Quasi-Religious Masochism
One of my favorite pastimes on late Saturday mornings is to go to Har-Mar Mall and eat a burrito and chips at the Del Sol Baja Tortilla Grill. For some strange masochistic reason I love (and I do mean love) to get the hottest salsa available and plaster it all over my meal so that with every bite my mouth must endure an excoriating amount of pain. I have no idea why or how I became so possessed by this fetish, but I honestly enjoy literally running up to the pop machine and filling the small plastic cup with water every three or four bites.
I think the reason why I indulge in this painful, yet delightful, activity is because it feels good to persevere through something difficult. I do like the taste of the salsa, but it does come with a cost. I usually limp out of the restaurant and slowly make my way to the bookstore. I slump down in one of their plush chairs with some book about Germany and think to myself, “I did it. I ate the hottest salsa available. I am a man.” All the while the contents of my stomach slosh to and fro as I sit in the chair, digesting peppers and spices and the atrocious ways of Hitler.
Yet I still wonder why I do this. Is it some sort of test masculinity? Or is it a quasi-religious masochism that validates the strength of my faith? Martin Luther used to hit himself so that he might perfect Christ’s suffering within himself. Although, I share Luther’s guilty conscience, I do not think I will become more Christ-like through burning my mouth and drinking a liter of water, but I think I might make Luther smile.
I am trapped within the cycle of masculine egoism. I stick my nose up in the air at the bland “fire-roasted” salsa and don’t even acknowledge the presence at the mild ones. I head straight for the untitled bucket of hot stuff positioned behind all the others. I compulsively dip the ladle in the sauce salivating at the foreseen taste of pain. I slowly test the waters with a few chips and then plunge the burrito right into the thick of it. I take a big bite and let the games begin. Will I fold, or will I fight to the bitter end? Will my manhood buckle under the arduous test of the sweat, snot and fire? My best weapon is the tiny plastic 8 ounce cup of water, but this is exhausted early on. The most difficult part of the battle is when I run out of water and I have to make a mad dash for the pop machine and wait for a slow indecisive person in front of me to fill his cup. Sometime I feel like treating that person like a tackle dummy—perhaps this is where the Christ-like characteristic of patience is developed—yes, Luther would smile.
:BEER:
January 26th, 2004 at 2:42 pm
Chuck, this is dave “bryanehr2″ according to my wife. Hey, totoally unrealated to you eating fetish, I’ve been thinking about the Matrix….
It took a few weeks/months to overcome my denial, but for better or for worse I have decided that I am not entirely satisfied with the 2 and 3rd movies. So I have entertained my self for several months now thinking about my own plot for 2 and 3 that would pick up more suspense and mind bending. I’ve finally come up with the ultimate matrix 2 and 3. I haven’t written it down yet, but I thought it would make an interesting blog if i submit a 500 word discription for your blogger’s critique/ridicule. Mybe someone has a better plot idea as well; it would be fun to read a few alternatives to the movies that were actually made.
January 26th, 2004 at 3:03 pm
Dood, that would be awesome!!! We could really hash out the philosophical details.
I’ll go get the ark of the covenant!! :BEER:
January 26th, 2004 at 3:13 pm
(again unrelated)
Excellent job on the http://www.sourcemn.org/FALLOUT/index.html>Fallout zine article!
January 26th, 2004 at 3:25 pm
Wow!!! That’s awesome Anna!!
I really wan’t to come check that out. I’ll have to be in touch with Stacy.
January 26th, 2004 at 3:28 pm
You’ve really got some good things going: perseverance, bravery, a willingness to take risks, and a willingness to suffer for the good of…OP, there it is. WHAT? You’ve put a lot of effort into WHAT? …SALSA. Do you hear me? SALSA! My challenge to you is to advance these efforts onto bigger and better things. Remember Matthew 25:21–Those who are faithful in small things will be given more responsibilities! I beseech you: Go, rise up and conquer beyond the world of SALSA!!!
January 26th, 2004 at 3:42 pm
(let’s see if this works)
There is the old Ockuk writing I’ve been missing. Well written!
:BEER::BEER::BEER::BEER::BEER::BEER:
January 26th, 2004 at 4:04 pm
Old writing? Yeah.. I have been more political lately.
January 26th, 2004 at 4:21 pm
Adam - Thought I would stop by and comment - since you were “dying” for me to make one here. Interestingly, I too have a strange desire to get the hottest salsa, or add extra hot “sauces” to my chinese food. There is something satisfying about sweating through a meal that I enjoy.
January 26th, 2004 at 4:34 pm
Chuck, about the matrix plot again… I’ll type my idea sometime and send it over to you. I’ll try to keep it short but detailed. I was talking with my coworker about this and he thought my plot idea was terrific.:BEER::BEER:(beer is good)
January 26th, 2004 at 4:34 pm
Yay!!!
Alexzi posted!!!
Isn’t weird how you desire the hottest of foods. Somehow it is pleasent to eat.
January 26th, 2004 at 5:27 pm
I know exactly what you mean! I sometimes enjoy using q-tips to swab tobasco sauce onto my eyes.
January 27th, 2004 at 11:39 am
Dave: I’d gladly draw out little trinity, neo and morpheus icons for you so you can post up some dialogs as well.
Ochuk: I think there IS joy in perseverance. I think it’s natural.
Ken: I am going to stop talking to myself and you from now on. :BEER: